Goodbye, Miss Tupelo

Well, I did it. A few days ago I had the cat put down. I keep seeing her around the house and then, she isn't there. I tell myself "She was old and sick and unhappy." "It was for the best." But, I continue to question this daily.

It's an experience like no other. When a family member is gone, one that's been with you for many years, it's difficult without their physical presence. I believe we all go back to our original state, one of pure energy. Animals know this better than we do. They are more open to and comfortable with the energy of the universe. That helps me let her go a little more easily.

I think, because I'm so grounded in this physical state, that not having her physically present is more difficult. Letting go of an idea, a feeling that's been with me so long is what's troubling me. She was with me for almost 17 years. Through, a marriage, a divorce, the births of my children. She was here for Patrick's Cerebral Palsy diagnosis, Matthew's autism diagnosis. Tupelo was even here for the recall of childhood abuse. Now I have to face the rest of life's challenges without her.

Over the last few weeks, as I was thinking that she was failing, I began to realize that letting her go was going to open the world up to me in a whole new way. This doesn't make letting go easier. It makes it transistory. When a door is closed another one opens. Always does, always will. It's recognizing the opening when it comes that's sometimes tough. Or perhaps, it's not the opening that's hard to see. Perhaps, what's most difficult of all, is walking through it.

Thank you, Tupelo, for your time and love. I'll miss you greatly.

The Kitty Dilemma

My Kitty will be 17 years old in June. She is having a long and adventurous life. She also, suffers from kidney disease, near deafness, arthritis and depression.

I recently spoke with a psychic who advised me wisely on an number of topics but, also informed me that my cat was suffering and putting her down might be best. I believe that only humans should (or perhaps not) prolong their lives through artificial means. My kitty is still eating and purring and taking care of herself. She does seem slower, less active and maybe, depressed. She's lost a lot of weight over the years. She used to be a fatty. Now she seems too thin. The vet advised me that when she stops eating and purring, when she is vomiting often, then I should consider putting her down.

Here's my dilemma, should I wait that long? Long enough for her to really be in distress. Or do I put her to sleep before she gets really bad. It's the first cat I've had that I've had to make this decision. The others died before I thought about it or they wandered off, away from the herd, like they do in the wild. She's the first one I've had to make this choice for.

The other component is my son. Do I tell him before I take her to the vet or after the deed is done? He's twelve and has grown attached to her over the last few years. All of this is weighing heavily on me.

Whatever I choose to do won't be easy. The advise I've received from friends and family only feels partly right. I definitely have to make my own decision here, for better or worse. I'll be sure to follow up in a few days with what I've done.

If Money Grew onTrees, it Would be Right Next to That Apple

It's a funny thing, money. It's really only a means of exchange for goods and services. It's really only energy, in a quantum sense. But, wow, what an intense hold it has on us. In and of itself it's insignificant. Put a pile of it in a room with a bunch of people and watch what happens. The ways in which people react to money are almost as diverse as the people themselves.

Some hoard it, others can't seem to hold on to it. Some folks are afraid of it while others revere it like a God. I've spent a lot of time, maybe too much, looking at how I view money. I've also, probably spent too much time trying not to think about it at all. My problem is I never seem to have enough. This spills over into other parts of my life. Not enough time, not enough sleep not enough love. You get the idea. I'm of the mind that if you think there isn't enough of something, there never will be. So, it's a catch twenty-two.

So, how to correct this dysfunction? How to get my mind set on enough. I want enough of everything. I want more than enough. Keeping my mind on this idea, mantra, positivity is more energy than I care to expend. Besides, after a few hours or a few days (like forever), I get bored with it. It's either coming or it isn't I assume. So, is changing my mind set going to actually bring me more than enough of what I want? I don't know. I've never worked it all that much.

There's also that age old question of deserving it. Most of us don't think we deserve enough. I think that's the real reason so many are broke. Thus, the poverty consciousness. Maybe, if we (you know I mean me) don't think we deserve enough, there won't be enough. If that's true then how we feel about ourselves is what we need to change. Maybe, if we can find away to raise our self-esteem, find a way to look in the mirror and say I love you, (I know, sounds crazy)maybe, we can change how much money we have.

Okay, here come all the self help gurus. Well just relax with that foolishness. This can be done with out them. Or, at least I think I can handle this with out them. All I need to do is find a way to like myself better and the all elusive enough I'm searching for will come. Okay, I hear voices saying "What about all the people out there with more than enough who aren't happy?" "Who don't like themselves." Fair enough. I would bet that they don't think they have enough of something. If you don't think you have enough, then you don't. Never will. Remember, enough is relative. It means something different to everyone.

Remember it's all about you. What do you feel, think about money? About yourself? They're related. Really!